I watched Emmerdale with gritted teeth 

Emmerdale’s portrayal of a baby dying suddenly and unexpectedly provoked lots of feedback from viewers. Michelle Hannant, whose baby, Ben, died in January 2005 tells us her reaction to the programme.

 

After reading on FSID’s email alert that Emmerdale was going to feature a cot death, I decided that I wanted to see it. I had read that FSID had put the actors in contact with parents who have been through a similar tragedy, and I was curious as how the characters reacted. I remember when Ben died, I felt so isolated, and like it had only happened to us. In some way I almost wanted confirmation that I was not alone and that there were other people who felt, thought and did things exactly the way I did." So on the Thursday night, I watched with gritted teeth. My husband sat and watched it with me. I was very proud of him as he tends to reserve his emotions when it comes to Ben.

 

Even though it was absolutely heart-breaking to watch, it truly reflected our very dark time with such raw emotion. The details, thoughts, feelings, emotions, reactions, questions.... absolutely everything was covered. Even that moment when Ashley looked out the window and was shouting for the world to stop, really got to me as I remember that vividly at the hospital. I did exactly the same.

 

My husband, Jason, and I have grieved very differently. Watching Emmerdale gave us an opportunity to experience what we went through together. We just held each other and cried. It made us realise where we are today and how far we have come. It’s something that we haven't done for a considerable amount of time. So not only is the story raising awareness, it was almost therapy for us to have that opportunity to express what we were feeling.

 

Jason just does not go back there at all. To watch the story was a release for him. It was so close to our own story: to see Ashley take control of the situation, and not be able to revive Daniel, I hope it will somehow make Jason realise that he is not a failure. He was wonderful and did what I could not bring myself to do. When Laurel told Ashley that he was wonderful for what he did, I just held Jason's hand and it said it all.

 

I have spoken to close friends and family, and they said that they too were able to identify with the characters surrounding Laurel and Ashley: how they had to compose themselves in front of us and when they were able to retreat into their own space how they themselves just fell apart and held their children. I know losing Ben greatly affected those around us, but they were so brave and strong for us. It gave me an insight into how it affected them too. What would we do without our family and friends? I think that’s how we got to where we are today!

 

For me, Emmerdale was a release. It helped to almost see first-hand how other people coped when faced with the same situation. It was covered so accurately and I just want to thank FSID and Emmerdale for emphasising the pain that we all go through.

 

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